Hope

 It’s hard to have faith when your arms truly ache for the one you will never again hold in this earthly life.  It’s hard to believe God loves you and knows you individually.  You cannot know the pain of losing a child, until you have actually gone through it – once you have held them, nothing equals that love.  Nothing in this world even compares to losing a child.  I know “someday” I will see the big picture and know why…..but “today” it hurts.   Unbelievably.  I can’t help but think of “what ifs” and “whys” and “was there something I could have done”, even though I know better.  Somewhere, deep iniside of me, I know it wasn’t my fault and I know it was for a reason.  But it takes some serious digging to get there some days.  I wonder when this pain will pass, or atleast not hurt so badly – but I fear it might take years, or maybe even a lifetime.  Every time I see a baby, or a pregnant woman, or a little girl dressed up so cute…I think of her.  My little angel.  My little baby I felt inside of me from the very beginning, and who was taken away from me.  My little baby I never got to bring home from the hospital and watch grow up.  Everyone who has children, please hug them right this second and tell them you love them.  Don’t put it off until later.  You are blessed to have them – now take care of them.  Your arms will ache intensely once they are gone.